Carry On Friends: The Caribbean American Experience
Carry On Friends has an unmistakable Caribbean-American essence. Hosted by the dynamic and engaging Kerry-Ann Reid-Brown, the podcast takes listeners on a global journey, deeply rooted in Caribbean culture. It serves as a melting pot of inspiring stories, light-hearted anecdotes, and stimulating perspectives that provoke thought and initiate conversations.
The podcast invites guests who enrich the narrative with their unique experiences and insights into Caribbean culture and identity. With an array of topics covered - from lifestyle and wellness to travel, entertainment, career, and entrepreneurship - it encapsulates the diverse facets of the Caribbean American experience. Catering to an international audience, Carry On Friends effectively bridges cultural gaps, uniting listeners under a shared love and appreciation for Caribbean culture.
Carry On Friends: The Caribbean American Experience
Paul C. Brunson: Mastering Love, Entrepreneurship, and Social Capital (Throwback)
Paul C. Brunson, is a dynamic Jamaican American television host, author, and professional matchmaker. Learn how Paul transitioned from the high-octane world of investment banking to managing a Turkish billionaire's investments, and ultimately becoming one of the first full-time Black matchmakers globally. Paul sheds light on his motivations for entering the matchmaking industry, underscoring the significant impact single-parent households have on children’s development. He offers invaluable insights into self-worth and common pitfalls people face in their journey to find love and happiness.
Paul’s journey isn't just about love; it’s also a masterclass in entrepreneurship. From selling Coca-Cola at the tender age of 12 to working alongside luminaries like Oprah Winfrey, Paul brings a treasure trove of anecdotes and practical advice. Learn about the importance of social capital in entrepreneurial success, particularly within Black and Brown communities, and the survivalist mindset drawn from his West Indian roots. Discover the critical mistakes multicultural entrepreneurs often make and how Paul's experiences can guide you to sidestep these pitfalls.
Navigating relationships and networks is crucial for success, and Paul offers actionable advice on how to prune your connections for maximum impact. Understand when a relationship is no longer mutually beneficial and how to maintain a productive and inspiring network. Embrace your unique qualities, especially those rooted in your heritage, and leverage them for success. Paul also introduces his platform, Mentor Mondays, as a valuable resource for aspiring entrepreneurs. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom and practical advice, all wrapped up in Paul's engaging storytelling and rich insights.
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Hello, welcome to another episode of the Carrie on Friends podcast. I'm your host, carrie-anne. Thank you so much for listening. I'm excited because today's guest on the podcast is Paul C Brunson, and if you're not familiar with who he is, paul is a television host, an author, a professional matchmaker. He's appeared as the co-host on Oprah Winfrey's network, lovetown, usa, and, yeah, he's Jamaican. Now in this episode, I speak with Paul about making worthwhile connections in love and business. But before we get into the interview, I'd like you to share the love on Facebook. Tell a friend, let me know what you think about the show, this episode. So I won't keep you waiting any longer. Here's my interview with Paul. Paul, I'm so excited to have you on the Carry On Friends podcast. Welcome to our community. How are you today?
Speaker 2:I'm fantastic. How are you?
Speaker 1:I'm doing well, so excited to talk to you about making worthwhile connections in love and business. I know you're just going to give us a whole bunch of information and I am ready to dive in. You're ready?
Speaker 2:I'm ready. I'm ready, let's do it.
Speaker 1:Cool, cool. So for those who do not know who Paul C Brunson is, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Speaker 2:Wow, most importantly, you know I am a husband of 15 years, I am a father. I have two great boys. Kingston is the oldest, he's five. Our youngest is Liam, who's two. You know, I'm a brother, I'm a brother in law, I'm a son, I'm a cousin. You know I'm all those things probably recognize me for being one of the first, if not the first, full-time black matchmaker in the world, which is kind of crazy. So when you think of the real life Hitch, that truly is me, and so that's really where my, uh, my kind of career started. Uh, I've been in investment banking. Uh, I've had a bunch of television shows. Matter of fact, right now I just picked up a deal where I have a big primetime show coming out on ABC yeah, coming up later in the year. I host a syndicated show. It's a weekly show for Black Enterprise called Our World, where we look at big stories impacting the African-American community, and so there's a lot that I do, but most importantly, I'm a husband and a daddy.
Speaker 1:Yes, those are the important roles. A teacher of mine who I knew I know you had on your mentor Mondays, julian Gordon, says you know he's, his roles as father and husband are first, you put life first, then everything else in terms of work comes after. So, yes, and if yes, you really have a whole bunch of jobs, like a Jamaican.
Speaker 2:So yeah, although I will tell you this is you know. So my grandfather, he's Jamaican, he's passed away. But before he passed away, you know, he sat down and he asked me, so this was just maybe about five years ago. He was like how many jobs do you have? And I said you know, you know, grandpa, I'm working on about three or four. And he was like you're lazy.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:He called me lazy.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know another. I was just speaking to someone and you know, as a Caribbean American, we in our heads, having multiple jobs is just something we have to do. Otherwise, like Grandpa said, you know you're lazy, so let's let's talk about how you got into being a professional the first African-American professional matchmaker. How does that come about?
Speaker 2:Sure, sure. So you know there's. There's different ways to you know, get into any industry and I think the way that I got in is a little bit different than how most people do with matchmaking. So around 2008, I was working for a Turkish billionaire.
Speaker 2:You know I had a great job. I was managing all of his investments in the United States, and my deal with him is that I would I would work for him, but he would also allow me to have a moonlighting job. I was being Jamaican. I had another job, and that was a nonprofit organization that helped to prepare low-income kids, or kids from low-income households, to get into college, and so we would give them science and math and English prep.
Speaker 2:And so the summer of 2008, I'm running a summer camp for these kids. We had 100 kids in our camp and I had to check all the kids in, and so one of the questions I would ask is how many parents live in your household? And out of 100 of these students, not one had two parents in the household. They all live with mom or grandma or big sis. Like very few of them even live with men in the household, and it just so happened that they were all African-American, you know, african Caribbean, latino, black and brown kids. And it was that moment where I thought to myself here we are trying to do test prep, you know, here we are trying to, you know, teach them math, but fundamentally, they're missing a lot at home. Right, and we saw how not having mother and father in the household impacted them academically, how it impacted them socially, and that was the moment where I said I wanted to do something. That was the problem that I wanted to really create a solution around, and that's how I got into matchmaking.
Speaker 1:Awesome, awesome. And so, as you've done, how long have you been doing the matchmaking?
Speaker 2:That was 08, you know. So it's about six years now, Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and as you've done this over the years, what are the top three mistakes you see when you are trying to match people together? What mistakes do you find people are making in their pursuit of love and happiness?
Speaker 2:The first is just not having the belief that someone can love them or will love them. That's big, you know. Belief truly is our reality. So if you believe that there's no one out there for you or that you're unlovable, then no one is out there for you.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You really are unlovable. So that's number one. Number two is just simply not doing things differently. You know, I always say that ladies have the dream that Aegis Elba is just going to come knock on their door. He's going to come knock on their door, right that's.
Speaker 2:Mulder and look like I'm here, exactly exactly, and fellows think you know that Zoe Saldana or somebody's going to knock on their door and that's just not the case, and so if you want different results, you need to do things differently and not doing things differently. That's probably number two. And then number three is playing games. So there's this whole notion that love is a game, right, and, like you know, if I like you, I'm not going to call you back or I'm not going to text you back or I'm going to, you know, act like I'm hard to get or whatever. Like this whole notion that there's games, and what I've found is that when you find somebody who's truly in love with you, they don't want to play any games, and games just add walls and it adds friction and a lot of people end up losing other great people by playing games. So I think those are the top three issues that I see.
Speaker 1:Right, right. So how, how do you what? What advice would you have? So cause playing games. Sometimes it seems you've been doing it so long that it seems normal. You don't know how to undo these behaviors because they've been just so rooted in your whole dating experience, however long that started. What's one tip that you have that someone could start today to kind of correcting or redirecting? You know, any one of those behaviors?
Speaker 2:So when you think about a bad habit, you know habit or bad behavior, it's really just simply a decision, a conscious decision that you make over and over and over again. And I want to emphasize it's a conscious decision, so you have control over that. So the best way to curb bad habit or bad behavior is to know that you are the one making the choice to do that, and so it all starts with self. Now, the best advice I could give around that is to get around people who are going to hold you accountable.
Speaker 2:You know a lot, of, a lot of issues that people have in their romantic relationships, in their platonic relationships, in their business relationships, is because they're surrounded with other people who have poor relationships themselves. They're surrounded by people who have low standards. They're surrounded by people who don't even share their. You know your values, and the more that you surround yourself around people who are truly mediocre, the more mediocre you become and the less successful you'll be in all your relationships. So the best way to start curbing habit or should I say bad habit and the best way to really just be the best that you can be is surround yourself with people who are literally better than you.
Speaker 1:Right, surround yourself with people who are literally better than you. Right, you acknowledge the behavior and you change your surroundings, or the surroundings that encourage the continuance of that behavior. That's awesome, I believe TD Jakes maybe not the same way, but he was giving the analogy with the giraffe and the turtle. And the turtle is going to give advice based on his level, right down there in the grass, and the giraffe is like seeing the treetops. And if you, you really can't take advice for someone who cannot see at your level or aren't at the level that you want to be, so I, I, I, I think that's something worthwhile, and not only in romantic relationships but in business relationships. So it's switching gears a little bit. Let's talk about some of the mistakes that you, before we get to the mistakes I know you do Mentor Mondays. I've watched it. It's awesome. It's like a packed crowd on Spreecast. Lively discussions there yes, lively.
Speaker 2:And some of them tilt to the after dark. Yes, lively and some of them tilt to the after dark, but very lively discussion.
Speaker 1:Yes. So how did you make the transition from or? Well, you didn't quite transition, which is which is also something that you do very great in terms of you know what you, what you do, you, you are a matchmaker, but you also have this passion for teaching entrepreneurs and creating resources for them. We Can Start Up is something that I know you did recently, right.
Speaker 2:Yes, we Can. Start Up is a big initiative that we've done. We have several planned for 2016.
Speaker 1:Awesome. I can't wait to hear them. How did you get into focusing or supporting entrepreneurs in their endeavors? How did that come about?
Speaker 2:You know, I'm Jamaican.
Speaker 1:Yes, again, let's go back Jamaican.
Speaker 2:That's it, that's the answer, you know. But there is truth to being West Indian, or to being an immigrant, or being from an immigrant family, and and and realizing that fundamentally, there's this need to survive, and really thriving in entrepreneurship is being and realizing that there's a need for you, you know, to survive. So, uh, you know it goes way back, like literally goes back to you know me being 12 years old, selling cans of Coca-Cola on the street to construction workers. You know it. You know I've always had jobs, yeah, and I've always had my. Well, I shouldn't say I've always, because I've worked in, like Wendy's, I was a cashier and, you know, worked in different restaurants, but for the most part, I've always created my jobs, created my opportunities, and so it's been a part of I think it's just a part of my DNA.
Speaker 2:Now, when I graduated from college, I had a great job. I worked in an investment bank and it was, you know, sweet job. It was the coveted job, but I quit and I launched my own business. I raised money. Matter of fact, it was a software company that I started. This is way back. This is like 2003, 2002, actually, when I did this, and that was really the beginning of me getting a taste of entrepreneurship at a totally high level, but then it was the most pivotal experiences for me was working for Enver Yücel, who I mentioned he's the Turkish billionaire and Oprah Winfrey.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I worked for Oprah and Enver collectively for eight years and watching these two people, who are really two great entrepreneurs, two of the greatest entrepreneurs to ever walk the face of the earth you know, working directly for them, I was able to observe that they had these habits, and the habits is what allowed them to be successful. It wasn't because they were, you know, geniuses or they had, like, the highest IQ or they were the most charismatic, and you know, that was what led me. And so having all of those experiences you know, I went to business school. That was another one so having all of those experiences like culminated in me knowing, in around 2008, that, you know, I'm an entrepreneur and I just need to own that.
Speaker 1:Right, Right, you know, stepping back a little bit because you know we really have to talk about the whole Caribbean and West Indian thing. Right, my first experience with entrepreneurship is with my grandparents. Right, Because back in Jamaica they sell almost everything.
Speaker 1:Right, and like you said, it's a survival thing, you know I. So, growing up, I don't know anything different. You know, for me, I need to be doing something, creating my own opportunities. So I, like you said, it's DNA, it's just built in. We have to do this. And so so, in terms of the habits that you've noticed that are critical for success as an entrepreneur, you know, particularly for entrepreneurs in, you know, black and brown communities, we don't have the opportunities to get around billionaires, so so I can imagine how much resources, because I tell you, those mentor Monday sessions, I'm like Lord, you need to, like I, so many, like really, really incredible information. And so tell me what are the top three mistakes you see, you know black, brown entrepreneurs, budding entrepreneurs, are making when it comes to entrepreneurship, or making connections as they pursue their you know their dreams pursue their you know their dreams.
Speaker 2:You know, this is something that I think about often, a matter of fact, I mean quite honestly, I probably think about this every day. You know, to the point where I've just recently launched I've been working on a new company. Like this is to really show you I'm Jamaican.
Speaker 1:This is now my fifth job.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a new company that I'm launching with my brother. We already have a team of seven people. We've been working on this for the last year. Our beta comes out soon, but essentially, the company is geared towards solving the problem that you just asked, and that is what is the problem that multicultural entrepreneurs have, and I'll sum it up by saying one thing it is our lack of social capital.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, let me do a tamar, because I want to use myself as an example. Social capital is huge, um, because for me, um, as we said in the the, the call the pre-chat. You know, as a caribbean american from the caribbean, you have, you have two extremes you either hold your head down and work, or, and you despise the person who front up the boss and chat, chat and not doing their work. And you know there's no, there's no middle ground there, and it should exist. So I find myself included, we, I have challenges, you know, creating the social capital because I'm thinking, I work hard. You know I work hard because I'm Jamaican, so why is my hard work not being, you know, acknowledged? How am I not getting further? And you said it the social capital. So how do we, you know, how do we build our social?
Speaker 2:capital, yeah, you know. So with social capital, I'm sure a lot of people listening right now are thinking there, you know, there's a lot of different definitions for it, right? So the way that I look at social capital is it's who you know and who they know plus the resources that those people have, right? That's really what social capital is, and the reason why social capital is a problem for multicultural entrepreneurs more than any other entrepreneurs is because there are other entrepreneurs. So let's take the Irish guy who lives in the Irish background but lives in the United States, right? His ability or his probability of growing up going to school, having family friends who are knowledgeable in business, who have resources to start businesses, who have access to deals and partnerships, et cetera, are probably going to be much higher than me growing up Jamaica Queens, like that kind of thing right.
Speaker 2:And so, as a result, when you play that out over the years of someone's life and then over generations, we multicultural entrepreneurs, we have a smaller social capital network. Right, we have less social capital. So the key, the number one thing that we want to be focused on, is growing our social capital. Now, how do we do that is really. The simple answer is we connect with people who are very knowledgeable and have lots of resources. But, just like you said earlier, it's like OK, paul, you know, but how do we connect with Oprah, right, how do we connect with, like, an, enver Ugel? Yeah, and my response is that this is the reason why we're creating this company, right, because it's hard to do it, but the quick answer is that social media is what allows us to do that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Social media connects us, and I'll give you a real life example of this is you know, I don't have all the social capital in the world, right, but it just so happens that I actually know several billionaires. You know, a matter of fact, there was a project that I've been working on called the billionaire project, where I interview billionaires, like I interviewed Michael Lee Chin right Billionaire from Jamaica, um, and so I know these people right now. This is the beauty of social media. Anyone listening to this podcast right now could literally send me an email or send me a tweet and I will respond to them and we can create a rapport. We can literally create a rapport Within a week.
Speaker 2:We can create a rapport, and once we've created that rapport, I now am in your network. You now are in my network, and so that means that Michael Lee Chin, oprah and all these people are now in your network. You now are in my network, and so that means that Michael Lee Chin, oprah and all these people are now in your network, and that's how quickly it happens. Now, here's where a lot of entrepreneurs not just multicultural entrepreneurs, but here's where a lot of entrepreneurs get it wrong, and here's the secret to really building the network is that typically, entrepreneurs have an idea of what they need, and so when they connect with someone, they will just make their ask right out the gate.
Speaker 1:Ah, that was. Oh, I know it, I know it, I know it. That's a question I knew was going to. I had for you, because how do you know when to ask for what you want? It's like what's the time when you build the relationship, because that's a question people ask. It's like an awkward situation. I met you Can you do this podcast? And now what happens next? It's really awkward and I think that's the challenge. So we just ask for what we want.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing I wrote a blog post called it's not called using, it's called networking. And I use the example of Oprah, because you know meeting Oprah. I mean, she's one of the most recognized people in the world and whenever someone Googles my bio and they see that I've worked with her, immediately they will send me a message and they'll say, hey, paul, can you pass this on to Oprah? Or you know, hey, paul, can you pass this on to Oprah. Or you know, hey, paul, can you introduce me to Oprah? Or I've got a show idea, can you send this over to the Oprah Winfrey Network?
Speaker 2:And I always think to myself do they really think that I don't even know them and I'm going to say, oh, yeah, sure, hold on for a second. Yeah, oprah Winfrey, Oprah, take a look at this. Like, do they really think that, because there's no way in the world I or anyone should do that? Because if I did that and that person is subpar, you know, a half ass person or whatever they be it's going to reflect badly on me and it will damage my relationship with her.
Speaker 1:And so, at the end of the day, what we have to realize is it's not using.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not using, it's networking. So how do you network? How you network is you simply do the following you meet someone and then you listen to what that person needs and then you give, you give, you give, you give, you give, you give. And then you ask Right, and the problem is most entrepreneurs will ask or, what they'll do is they'll do a real simple give. You know, like, what is a give? A give is anything that adds value to the person you're trying to build a relationship with, right. Let me break that down more. What does that mean? Adding value? Adding value means you are doing something to help further that person along their way to a goal that they have. So some people who have been phenomenal with me over the last year, 2015,.
Speaker 2:I met a guy named Joshua Porter. He's a member of the Mentor Monday community. He's now attended weekend startup schools, et cetera. How did he build a relationship with me? He now I consider him my brother, like he could text me right now and say hey, paul, I'm stuck at the Metro and I would say okay, as soon as I'm done with this podcast, I'm going to go pick you up. Now, how did that happen? It happened because when I met him. He truly listened to me. He followed me on on on social media. You know he saw what I projects, that I was working on. He knew what some of my needs were. Based on that and then, after he met me, he would then help to further my goals. How do we? How did he do that? He would send me information on events that were upcoming in the area that could be beneficial to me. He would refer people to me that he thought would be beneficial for you know, a Mentor Monday guest, you know he would send me. He knew that I liked I would.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I talk about the suits that I wear. He knew that. So he he was like hey, paul, did you know that you can get your suit for 20% off at this one place on this one day? I was like word, you can, you know. So he continued to add value, and this is not over a week or over four weeks, this was over months. He bought into all of the weekend startup schools and attended all of them. He would then dap me up at the weekend startup schools. He built a real relationship with me. He gave, he gave, he gave, he gave, he gave, he gave, he gave, he gave, he gave. And then he made an ask and what did I do? I immediately did it yeah, right, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so this is the key, and I think that this is how we build social capital, and this is truly the success to becoming a success, because your social capital is indicative of't there a piece where existing entrepreneurs kind of have to be more visible and kind of share some of what they know so that they're an expertise, Because then you know, not everyone knows it's also who knows that you know, that you really know what you're doing. Right. That plays into it a little bit.
Speaker 2:Sure, sure, I mean, I agree with you and I think that's a function of branding. You know we're we're at a we're at a we're in a different economy right now. You know we're in an economy that's drastically different than just five, six years ago, where it was to your benefit not to talk up what you're doing. Right, it was to your benefit to not have to stand on a platform and say, hey, everybody, you know, this is the project that I'm working on or this is what I'm doing. But now we're at a point where there's so much content that's created now. You know, on Eric Schmidt, chairman of Google, former CEO right, said that over a 48 hour period right, two day period that more content is created now than was created from the beginning of time.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Right, you heard that all the way to 2003.
Speaker 1:Yes, I've heard that I work in the legal industry, where I have to process some of this data for litigation, so yeah, I know it for sure.
Speaker 2:It's crazy, but if you think of it conceptually, you will see that that means that there is more data, there's more noise than ever before, and so we have to be the signal to the noise. And how you are the signal, how you stand out, is that you have to realize that you have to talk yourself up, because, at the end of the day, no one can sell you better than you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, absolutely so. Take how we connected. So we my friend Michaela and I we went to Blogalicious and you were on the panel and you talked about all your jobs like a Jamaican. And you were on the panel and you talked about all your jobs like a Jamaican, and then afterwards we approached you and, you know, I personally find that you are so personable and approachable and not everyone is like that but you know, michaela and I came up to you and this is how we end up having this podcast.
Speaker 1:Now, in terms of moving forward, I've gotten your advice, which is give, give, give, and I guess that's the approach that we have to do in terms of making connections. But then, at what point do you make a decision as to whether maybe the person you're trying to connect with is not the right person you should connect with? Because, like you said, we have this idea in our head of, oh, I just need to connect with that person. At what point do you realize that maybe this is I don't want to say this is not a connection you should make but when do you kind of say well, this is a good person to know, but maybe not what I thought in terms of bigger goals in terms of making connections, or do we make that distinction?
Speaker 2:Right Now. This is a really important question. This is like not what your question is, not basic networking or networking 101. That was more of like a graduate level networking question. So I love that, I love that.
Speaker 2:So here's the thing is that you think about a relationship. What is a relationship? A business, platonic, you know? Love, what? What is it? Relationship is about reciprocation. That's what makes it a relationship. So, for example, I've been married for 15 years. So that means that in the 15 years, what's happened is that I have given to my wife and my wife has given to me. If, over the 15 years, I only gave to her, well, it would be a one-sided relationship, which means it's not a relationship. So it's the same thing when it comes to business or networking is that you want to see reciprocation. If you don't see reciprocation, that's the first sign that you're not in the right relationship with someone Right. So, for example, we if, if, after, uh, you know, when we met at blogalicious and you were like, hey, paul, you know, um, would you, would you got, would you like to be on this podcast? And I was like sure, and then I never committed to a date or time with you.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, and you followed up. You know, and some people, sometimes people are busy, so that's fair. You know, sometimes you have to follow up two, three times, but let's say you followed up seven times and I still didn't commit to the date or time. Well, that is a clear signal that I'm not reciprocating and therefore I'm probably not the best person to be in a relationship with you Right now. As the relationship continues, here's the here's, the here's where it begins for a lot of people to get difficult, but this is what the most successful people do. And here's what happens is that relationships are all and now.
Speaker 2:This is just my opinion, this is my opinion, is, or should I say the vast majority of relationships are terminal. They're truly terminal, and what that means is there is an endpoint that will come to most of the relationships that you have, because you simply can't psychologically Right, you simply can't maintain all the relationships that you rack up through your life. Thing called the Dunbar theory, right who? He came out with some great research that basically states that the, the the maximum number of people that we could truly be friends with is 150.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I heard that.
Speaker 2:And so, at the end of the day, what this means is that let's take the two of us, for example right, we, we, now, we're doing, we're doing this podcast, right, so we've, now, you know, I've reciprocated now, right, so?
Speaker 1:so this isn't me asking anything, but I'm just, you know, throw this out, I'm going to ask you anyway after we get off the podcast, like how can you help the?
Speaker 2:person Right. The key is to be such a great listener of the person that you already know what they're trying to do, and then you just give.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, you just give. And so the key is so. So you know you're so. You know, over the course of the next couple of months, you're going to give and, um, you know, do I reciproc? The next couple of months you're going to give and you know, do I reciprocate on that giving, right, yeah, and then that's going to continue on and on and on. But there's going to be a point in our life, whether it's in one month, whether it's in one year, whether it's in 10 years, that chances are there's, no, there's, there's nothing further that I can do to help further you along on your goals, and there's nothing that you could do to help further me along on my goals.
Speaker 2:And and now here's the difference between successful and unsuccessful people in business the unsuccessful people will say you know what, there's nothing else that you can do. And they know you know what they do's nothing else that you can do. That's cool. And they know, you know what they do. They just let that person linger in their network. They just let them linger, right, the most successful people know how to fire friends. And that sounds so controversial, it sounds so bad, but it's the truth. It's the truth. So you think you have 150 real friends that you can have, so that and your opportunity comes from all of those friends, right? And so what that means is that you have to continually be pruning your network.
Speaker 2:You have to continually be pruning, and it doesn't mean that you burn a bridge, it doesn't mean that you abruptly kick somebody out, but what it does mean is that you are attentive to your network, knowing that your girlfriends, your boyfriends, everything is going to come from your network. So you want to tend that like you're pruning a fine tree. And so successful people. They know how to prune the network. They know how to fire friends.
Speaker 1:You know, there was this video that I saw on Facebook I'm sure you've seen it where all these soldiers were trying to get over this wall and they were all helping each other up and at the end the last person just kind of ran up the wall and everyone shares this video. And I said, you know, this is great that they could all help each other up over this wall, but I guarantee you that it took a couple of tries for them to get it together and it's moving different people in and out of roles. Who's going to go over first? And I think the challenge we have is, you know, we keep friends because they've been friends for a very long time or they've helped us to a certain point and they should this thing of obligation. And you know, maybe and this is why people then come to say maybe you shouldn't go into business with friends and so talk a little bit about that it's okay to maybe start a venture with a friend, but how do you know when it's time to prune that relationship?
Speaker 2:Yeah, most people who start businesses with friends, those have a higher failure rate than any other business, you know. So it's typically not a good idea to do that. You know what you want to do is you want to start businesses with people who add value in areas that you, you know, add skills that you don't have. You know the good thing about a friend is that they share your values. Right, that's I always advocate that for for a business relationship. But you also, you know you need them to add skills. So, like you know, you're starting a tech company and you're non-technical, well, you need someone who's technical, you know, like bottom line, and so that's the you know. That is really the key in terms of the firing of the friend and knowing when to fire the friend.
Speaker 2:It's really when one of two major things happen. Either A, it's clear that that person doesn't share your values. Now, values is something that typically doesn't change much once we become adults, but it does change for people, you know. And so if you have someone who doesn't share your values, it means that you play life by different rules. It means that you see things differently. What you consider to be good, they could consider to be bad. You know, and that's not someone who's healthy to be around, and so that's one. The second is that and this is going to sound like you know, you know like an I'm an opportunist here but the second is when that person can't inspire you anymore and you can't inspire them anymore. Right, and that's really what it's about, because if they, you know, we have to constantly be changing right.
Speaker 2:You know, if we are not changing and we are not- evolving we're stagnant, we're dead, we're dead, and so, if you are and, by the way, everything that I'm saying, this is for ambitious people- yes, we are ambitious people.
Speaker 1:Listen to the podcast, by the way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean because you know if you are at a place in your life where you know like so, for example, and by the way, you could value ambition. But you can just be in a place in your life where you know like so, for example, and by the way, you could be, you could value ambition, but you can just be in a place where it's not necessary. You know, my father, for example, is retiring next year. He's retiring right. He's at a place now where he no longer needs to prune his network like he was previously. He's at a totally different stage in his life and so, even though he may now be with people who are not as inspirational, right, it's not. It's not to the same degree as he being, you know, a younger man, 40 years, you know ago, coming up.
Speaker 2:So you know, a lot of this depends on stage and values, but if that person is no longer inspiring you and you are no longer inspiring them, then then what's the point of them taking up a spot in a you know a pressure spot in your network, whereas someone else could be there who's moving you further? You're moving them and you're making a bigger impact in the world.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is so awesome. I mean, I'm here jotting stuff down so I'm just like you know what. I'm going to listen to the replay because this is just like so awesome, Because this is something that I as much as I have the podcast. I struggle with making the connections and the pruning part is so important. But if I'm not totally engaging or listening to what my network wants and just kind of providing that, I do that within a certain level of comfort level. But once I have to reach outside my immediate circle and that comfort level, that's when I kind of get insecure and I'm not sure and I just kind of step back and end up not doing anything. So I really, really appreciate all this information because I'm telling you 2016, I call it my bust out year and I'm just busting out of all of the things or the messages I've told myself that no longer apply. So I know that we live in a digital world where I have to, you know, rise above the noise, I have to brand myself and you know, holding my head down at work, I said my work speaks for itself. It doesn't apply now. So I don't have an excuse, but I kind of hold on to those as excuses to keep me safe. So this is so awesome because I know some of my other friends. We have the same issues. I'm really glad that you are just oh my God, this is such good stuff connections.
Speaker 1:When it comes to the point of pruning the relationships because, again, we're not burning bridges Like your book says. It's complicated but it doesn't have to be how do we don't make it so complicated or awkward that we're now kind of moving away from where the relationship once is? How do you that we're now kind of moving away from where the relationship once is? How do you kind of maintain some kind of you know, your core? I don't think people do breakups well, whether it's business or personal. So how do you kind of, how do you walk away in a mature, adult way?
Speaker 2:Yeah, great question, cause it applies to every relationship that we have. Yeah, the, the, the best. So you know, I'll give you a quick, quick, quick story is uh, you know, the first television show I did was with Oprah. It was called a show called love town.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And in the show there was, uh, you know, there was this gentleman who was trying to break it off with his girlfriend and he was like so he came to me and he was like Paul, you know, I don't know how to do it. And so, you know, I gave him some suggestions and then I see him like a week later, and I was like, did you break up with her? He was like, yeah, I broke up with her and I said how'd you do it? He said, well, you know, I just stopped calling her.
Speaker 2:And it turns out that that is the number one way that people quote unquote break up with other people, not just romantically, but even in business. It's what I call fade to black. Is that they just assume that because I've stopped calling you, because I've stopped contacting you, that you should get the hint and realize that it's over, because I've stopped contacting you, that you should get the hint and realize that it's over? But that is a punk move, that is the move of a third grader, right. That is the move of someone who is not going to be successful later in life?
Speaker 2:Wow, right, because what makes you successful is when you can own who you are. Right, you own who you are and you own your actions. That's what makes you mature, right, mature people have mature action, and so my point to him and you know my answer to you is that you specifically outline what you're doing and why and it seems hard, but that's what you do. So my advice to him was to tell his girlfriend the reason why he's breaking up with her, and the real reason why is because he excuse me he was in love with somebody else. You know he was seeing somebody else.
Speaker 1:You know he was seeing somebody else, and so is.
Speaker 2:And so you know, if we can just like if this world would be so much more efficient if we could just stop the BS, yeah, and that is even in business. And so you know, let's be truthful to the situation, and then you know we'll be able to sever relationships better. And then you know we'll be able to sever relationships better. Now, the last thing I'll say on this is not to overdo it, because a lot of people will say, ok, well, let me give you the reason, and then they'll spend three hours on what the reason is of the breakup or the separation of the business or the partnership or that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:The best thing to do and actually Harvard Business Review did this whole study around how bosses should fire their employees right, and this is kind of the same thing, right, breakup. And what they found is the most effective way to fire an employee or you know just anyone is to do it quickly and to leave the conversation with what you're doing. So you would say you know what, carrie Ann, I'm going to have to let you go today. And the reason why I'm going to have to let you go is because you have, you know, not done A, b and C, and it's been documented and, as a result, what we're going to do is we're going to give you one month, et cetera, but it's been documented and, as a result, what we're going to do is we're going to give you one month, et cetera, but it's quick and it's abrupt.
Speaker 1:It's not.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, you know what. Come on, sit down. Yeah, how are you doing? Yeah, how's your family? Yeah, like no. No, it's abrupt and it's the same way in every relationship.
Speaker 1:You want to be upfront you want to be truthful and you want to be succinct. Oh my gosh, paul, I tell you, that's why you are the teacher, because you know, sometimes it's a simple thing, but sometimes we really need the simple truths, you know, because it's like it's not that complicated, it's just, we just have to communicate better, which is the underlying thing, the way we communicate with each other, and you know, we just keep doing it the wrong way. Oh my goodness. Thank you, paul. This has just been so. So there's just so much information here. I know that you're going to have a lot of quotables, so when you see it on Instagram and I tag you, it's going to be crazy.
Speaker 1:But you know, on a final note, because this is a podcast that is, for you know, focuses on business and career for the Caribbean American and, being from a Caribbean American background, you know one thing, the one thing that you have as an advice to us Caribbean American entrepreneurs because we're out there, we're just not as visible. So what's the one thing you'd like to see this community do differently, to kind of bust out for 2016? So people know that, like you, with all the jobs, like a Jamaican, we're all out here doing what we need to do. So what do you want us as a group and as an audience to do? To kind of rise to the occasion as a group and as an audience to do, to kind of rise to the occasion.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's such a big question, you know, I think it's probably two different sets of advice, depending on the mentality of the person listening. So a lot of folks that I know from the Caribbean realize that you know I'll take Jamaica, for example is it's this small island, but yet, while it's such a small island, it's such a small country, we have, you know, some of the best athletes. We've had the best businesses. We've had the most beautiful women. Like you know, we have impacted the fashion industry like we've had a disproportionate impact on the world.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right, and a lot of people that I know from the Caribbean or, in this example, from Jamaica, they know this and they're so proud of that that they believe that everyone should recognize that. And that's enough. And that's enough, right? I'm Jamaican.
Speaker 1:Yeah, give me the job, yeah.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't work like that. Yeah Right, it doesn't work like that. So there's, there's, there's, there's, you know, I think, a group that's that way. But then there's another group that I know from, like Jamaican this example, where they'll say you know, I'm from, you know this little island, you know how, how, how can I, how am I going to, you know, do big things because I'm from such a small place. And what I always like to say is that those of us who have come from small places, so that's, if you've come from the Caribbean, you've come from a small place.
Speaker 2:If you've come from a small place, it means that you've come from a place unlike most people in the world. That means that you have come from a unique place. Yes, uniqueness is where your power lies, the fact that you are unique. And if you can embrace that fact, fully understand that fact, embrace that fact, you'll do incredibly well. Right, the most successful people in the world, the billionaires of the world, what they've been able to do the self-made billionaire, should I say. They've been able to figure out the things that make them different than everyone else and they have been able to capitalize on those things. And so my homework, to everyone listening, especially if you're from the Caribbean, is to figure out what makes you different than the masses. Right, you know the masses around the world. What makes you different? Also, what makes you different from even the people that are from you know, back home, and whatever those things are those one, two, three little things, those little things. That is where your power lies, in those little things.
Speaker 1:You know, and that is such that, as simple as that exercise is, that assignment is, it's hard because a lot of times we discredit what makes us unique because we're like, oh, that's just nothing, there's nothing that we, just we push it to the side. So, you know, don't discredit what makes us unique because we're like, oh, that's just nothing, there's nothing that we, just we push it to the side. So, you know, don't discredit anything. Anything that you find comes easy or you don't think it's a big deal, write it down, because a lot of times, and also what people tell us, you know what the world mirrors back to us, that's something that we should capture. And I'm learning this because I just I'm like, oh, you know, people say, carrie, you're so organized and you could break things down. I'm like, but that was easy. But I don't see it that way Because, again, it came easy to me. So, really, really great assignment.
Speaker 1:Paul, thank you. I cannot say thank you enough because this was just so amazing, so chock full, and I can't wait to hear more about when your new projects are coming out. I'll definitely keep the community informed as to what you're doing, what's happening. I get the emails every week Mentor Monday it's happening, this is what's going on and I get the recap emails that say this is what happened. But definitely check out Mentor Mondays. It's a wealth of information, different entrepreneurs and maybe sometimes it's just Paul just like shooting the breeze with his red stripe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I will say I'm still looking for that red stripe endorsement. If somebody wants to add value to me, they will connect me with red stripes so I can get that sponsorship.
Speaker 1:True story. Growing up, my grandfather worked at the DNG factory in Hopewell it's like the western part of Jamaica, a little bit outside of Mobe, and it was just like I used to love going to the factory just to see how they make everything. So you know I don't have that connection anymore, but I'll keep my ear out to see if there's a Red Stripe endorsement coming soon.
Speaker 2:All right, all right, all right, but I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. You know, it's always a pleasure to have a platform to be able to share what you know, and I really appreciate it. So thank you very much.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone listening. I'll have a recap on the show. I'll have every information that I have for Paul and what he's doing and, you know, connect with him on Twitter, facebook and follow him on Instagram. He has a lot of stuff on there. So until next time, folks walk good.
